Anger is a dangerous friend.
Anger is like that friend you hung out with as a teen who you knew had the good stuff. The temptation is within reach, and you know it is not a good idea, yet you think you can say no… to run… to not give into the pier pressure…
hahahahaha…
Right.
You know what I am talking about.
Anger is like that. So easy to justify, easy to drag us into the drama triangle, and get bounced back and forth.
Drama triangle, you say? What do you mean by that, Tim?
Oh, thank you for asking.
The Drama Triangle is a psychological term for losing our compass, a type of storm that can draw us off the path of Truth, Reality, and Wholeness.
See, in the Drama Triangle, three competing identities are trying to redefine who we are.
The first. Victim. We internalize our anger. We take it out on ourselves. We run to self-destructive behavior. We become Eore… “If it is a good day.”
The second. Villian. We let our anger out and lash out, sometimes at the person who harmed us, but often, it actually affects those closer to us. We dump, gossip, hit something, or have road rage… we all know, we all have been there. We justify, yet we act to punish or control.
The third. Hero. I am going to rename it as the anti-hero because our motivation is rooted in anger, and our actions for justice, right, and good are actually to manipulate, change, or control the other. We become self-righteous and, therefore, enter into a justified state of heroism. This could be to take radical control of ourselves and judge others to our right or wrong level. This can take the form of self-correction, above anything else, including relationships.
I am not a psychologist, but I have found these metaphors helpful in my life. When I want to hang with my old buddy, anger, I can tell what identity is trying to take over my mind and heart.
By acknowledging the persona and what uniform I am trying to put on, I can STOPPP. (Surrender. To. Overwhelming. Presence. Peace. Power)
I can step outside the issue, see it through the eyes of Reality and Truth, and take time to let my emotional gauges re-celebrate so that I can re-read and know where I am on the map and what the best course of action is for myself AND the other. To begin to see how I want to be treated and treat the other the way I would want to be treated. To seek understanding, to listen, slow to open my mouth… to acknowledge the feelings, respect the feelings, look at my options of victim, villain, anti-hero… but by surrendering to my Creator, who made me to reflect Him, I can trust Him to produce a tree of life, out of my seed of pain and death.
Learning to react in Love, not Anger, takes time, practice, and many failures. (I screwed this one up yesterday; I bounced between all three most of the day and was “justified.” Yet when I woke up this am, I felt the anger hangover of regret, and I have some apologies to make, reflect, and learn.)
I hope you take the time to acknowledge what identity is trying to take over, like the invasion of the body snatcher, and learn not to pick up the “capes” of anger, but Love. Peace. Joy. Which is found in God and His goodness.
Let’s practice not being a friend to anger.
We can start here… Time for some “Radical Honesty”
What identity do you tend to pick up the most? Victim, Villian, Anti-Hero?
